Kevin here. Hillary's husband who completed the vegetarian Lent challenge with surprising ease. I endured the occasional meat craving and the constant mocking of What-a-burger billboards (there's one on I-30 who is a particularly evil little bastard) without cheating with a chicken wing or even being tempted too all that much.
We got initially pointed towards the vegetarian thing by my sister Karen who is in college. She converted to the green side sometime in late summer/early fall '10 and has been going strong ever since. She proved, to me at least, that one can be a vegetarian without being preachy and annoying about it. Hers is a vegetarianism that is about health, diet, and self-preference and not about saving the world from the horrors of the farm or meat industry. That was something that not only did Hillary and I find admirable but also easy to get on board with. Of course, the idea of eschewing beef and pork in an area of the country where they'll chicken-fry any animal part you want and serve it under gravy made from the drippings got the contrarian in me very excited. Along the same vein, it was amusing to watch my family's reaction to my sister's diet choices over the holidays-- the "I-don't-know-how-to-process-this" faces were great, and if she had come home covered in a headdress asking which way faced Mecca, I'm not sure the faces would have been too much different.
Fast forward to today, Easter Sunday, and the culmination of our Lent vegetarian challenge. I learned so much, ate well, and felt great during my 40 days on the green side, and I will write about those ongoing lessons a lot in this space. But I am returning to eating meat, albeit much less meat than before. I could go on and argue my ethical, Biblical, and dietary cases for why I think it is perfectly fine to eat meat in moderation. But my choice really boils down to two incredibly deep, philosophic points: Its delicious and I want to.
Let me qualify that by saying that I plan returning to somewhat normal frequency in eating chicken, seafood, and turkey. I will not swear off red meat, but eat much less of it and grass-fed when I can. Also pork will be a special occasion type thing as well.
So today we went for Easter brunch at Blue Mesa, which is a great Southwestern/Mexican place and ironically enough, very vegetarian friendly. But it was Easter, the end of Lent, and Christ had risen and removed the stone blocking my access to the butcher counter (that's called a really bad mixed metaphor for the kids learning to write out there). Sundays at Blue Mesa mean buffet. And not lukewarm, been-sitting-for-hours-in-a-hospital-pan-under-a-dim-lit-sterno, very questionable Chinese food type buffet. I mean an actual, fresh, high quality buffet.
I think it was the overstimulation that got me. So many meats. So many missed days eating meat. So little time to make up for it. I grabbed my plate and moved right past the waffles, chips, and rice that normal people who did not have to go without tasty morsels of meat for 40 days were lined up to get. No, I told myself it is time for a treat. At this point, if my intestines could play instruments they would have been playing some eerie, scary, Scream 4 horror movie music.
Chicken enchiladas? Yes. Steak fajitas? Why stop at one. Carnitas? Oh how I missed you. Tomatillo chicken tacos? Hello new friends. Salmon? Sure, why not. Make my way back to the table (read: near full sprint) and minimize conversation to enjoy my meal.
First plate down, feel fantastic. Meat, you are so good. Why did we ever try this trial separation?
Second plate. More of the same, add huevos rancheros a personal favorite.
Getting full now but feel great.
Dessert. Coffee. End of spectacular meal.
I move to get up from the table and it hits me. My abdomen burned with the fire of a thousand suns. No gag reflexes or bowl movements, just logjam. The feeling continues, worsens even. I do the customary change out of nice pants and into elastic when we get home (something which coincidentally I never had to do in my 40 vegetarian days). Oh how I miss the easy digestion of vegetarianism. I would sell my 42 inch flat screen to redo the last 2 hours and opt for maybe a little quinoa salad and broccoli. Gods of vegetarianism why must you smite me so???
It as at this point I will stop with the details (they only get worse), and get to the story's resolution. Suffice to say with some "My-first-tequila-on-prom-night" style upchucking, a little pepto, a little rest, and some sugary carbonated drinks, I felt much better. We later read online that you're supposed to ease back into eating meat a little at a time and under no circumstances have more than 1 kind of meat your first time back (Who has two thumbs and had 4 types? This moron!). Apparently your stomach produces fewer meat-digesting enzymes when you stop eating meat. Shock. And you can't just go 0 to 60 on your stomach like that and expect it to perform (we've since talked and made up).
Serves me right for gluttony. On Easter no less.
Anyway, I look forward to easing back into meat and letting you know how it goes. Based on today's happenings if I'm eating pureed chicken from a Gerber jar by next week that'll be huge progress!
Here's to a week of healthy eating and digestion!
-Kevin
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